Finding Romance After 60

Finding romance after 60 may not have been something you had planned for your future, or you may just want to put the spark back into your relationship.

Many adults find themselves single for many reasons. Sometimes, marriages have run their course by the end of their careers. Other times, a spouse dies at an early age, and the living spouse is not yet ready to live alone. Other people find that now that the stresses of daily life are slowing down, they are ready to pick up their romance where it got left behind with jobs, kids, and mortgages.

Finding romance after 60 can be intimidating, but there is no reason that you should not find romance after sixty either with your present or a new partner.

Should I start dating after 60?

Single people often wonder about when they should start dating. Widows and widowers, divorcees, and people leaving long-term relationships often struggle with the proper amount of time to wait before dating. No one can answer for someone when or if they should start dating. However, if you feel that you are ready, then you should start dating.

This is not something that you should enter into lightly. No one should start dating without a clear purpose. Seeking romance is a specific type of relationship to want after 60. Not everyone is in the same place. Some people want other types of relationships. You should understand the reasons and types of relationships before looking for your next love.

Single people who have never been married have less to consider in some ways. They have always considered what they want in relationships, and they are familiar with the dating world. One thing to consider is that as you age, many of your available partners will now come with a different set of baggage.

The forty-year marriage that suddenly dissolved carries different weights than the ten-year marriage that did not work. Likewise, you will likely encounter more widows or widowers now. You need to be sure that you are not trying to replace the previous spouse or be better than them. Acknowledge the concerns, but move on with your relationship. Do not compete.

You should be prepared to date more people with more baggage. Be willing to take a new romance slow when this is the case. Romance with someone who lost their greatest love can be intimidating. Take your time and make them feel comfortable first.

Widows and widowers are unique in that their relationship did not likely end due to a problem between them and their spouse. They may be angry that their spouse died, but they are likely not bitter that they are single.

If you are still in the anger stage of grief, you should put off dating. This can often make you bitter towards new partners. This is not an excellent way to begin a relationship. You also should consider whether you are a widow/er or your new partner is that the surviving spouse will likely always love their deceased partner. It is not your duty to take their place or fill their shoes. This will likely be impossible. If your spouse was the love of your life and he or she died, you will never find a replacement. If what you are seeking is a new love, then yes, you should pursue experiences and relationships. Every relationship is different. You can find love again, but it will not be like your last love.

Your expectations need to be realistic. You should seek a love that will add to your life rather than simply fill a hole. If you are unable to do this, you may want to wait. Waiting is okay. You may also find that while this love is different, in many ways, this romance is more fulfilling.

Divorced singles have the most trouble trusting again. This is especially true if the divorce was a surprise or it happened long ago, and subsequent relationships have not gone well. Therapy and self-help strategies can help you resolve some of the old feelings. Starting fresh with a new relationship means not carrying all of the baggage from before. You should be cautious and aware of red flags, but not every man or woman is like your ex-spouse or former lovers. No matter your age, this advice holds.

Not everyone has serious baggage or unrealistic expectations. If you can handle your coming experiences with relative calmness and acceptance of difficulties, you may be ready to find a romantic partner. You should never start or stop dating because someone else tells you that you should or should not. Your choice to date is entirely up to you. While you consider the opinions of people who make suggestions based on your current state or handling of complications, your choices are yours to make.

“Should” or “Should not” is entirely up to the individual. People with too much hurt to heal should probably wait, but making friends might help. Consider a support group for widows/widowers, divorcees, or singles. You might find a date there–you might not. What you will probably find, though, is the support to find a date.

What is dating like?

Like the previous question, this is entirely up to the couple. Many people erroneously think that the man paying for dinner is now taboo. However, a couple should make their own rules. Whatever they are comfortable with should be the norm in their relationship.

Dating can be very satisfying for older couples. They still enjoy sex, and they are much less inhibited due to years of finding themselves. While not every person over 60 is looking for a sexual relationship, the taboos have often fallen away. Older people are more inclined to ask for what they want in a relationship rather than suffer through or avoid their feelings. If this means romance and sex, go for it. You have earned the right to be comfortable in your relationship.

Finding romance after 60 is no different than finding it before 60. Sometimes, you have to go through many failed relationships and dates to find the love you want to devote your time to. Though you can, you do not have to be serious. You only need to decide what romance means to you and go for that.

Relationships are hard, no matter how old you are. Be the person you seek. If you want honesty, give honesty. Dating does not need to be different than it was when you last dated. Pick her up on time, walk her to the door, kiss her goodnight (if she wants). Let him pick you up, open doors, kiss him good night (if he wants to). Have a good time. Be real. Dating is what you make it!

How do I find dates?

Finding dates has likely changed since you last began a relationship. If you were married thirty, forty, or fifty years, finding love at 75 or for any senior can seem foreign. There are still the old-fashioned ways to find dates.

You can still go to a local bar or club that is focused on older crowds. Church, local singles groups, friends, and family members may also help you find love again.

One change is apparent, however. There are now many online programs and apps dedicated to finding relationships. Match.com, eHarmony, and others have categories specifically for seniors; still, some are dedicated to senior users. These can feel a little safer for some people because they do not feel that they are competing with a younger crowd.

Likewise, if you are looking for a younger mate, by all means, look on any dating website. It is crucial to research any website you choose because each has its reputation and purpose. Let’s look at a few:

• Silver Singles¹ – This website has both free and paid versions. The paid subscriptions are in three, six, or twelve-month membership increments. It is exclusive to users over the age of 50. If you are looking for someone a little younger, this may be a good place to find a new romance. They use a personality test and send matches every day.
• Our Time² – This is another senior dating app that has both free and paid plans. This app wants to be a low frustration experience. Users may recognize the format as being similar to Match.com because it is owned by the same parent company. This site is just dedicated to seniors rather than everyone.
•  SeniorMatch³ – This app is the one many would expect to be owned by Match.com, but it is owned by SuccessfulMatch.com. This website is for users over fifty as well and has both free and premium plans. This site acknowledges that some seniors are looking for romance while others are simply looking for companionship.

Be open to finding dates in many places. Do not feel the need to go digital all at once. Have someone you trust help you set up profiles, take pictures, and scan potential dates. However, if this is incredibly intimidating, you can simply look for dates the way you did before you were 60.

If you are newly single, what did you do to find dates before your marriage? If this was a high school sweetheart, consider taking a class at a senior center. Do not limit yourself because you feel that digital dating is too hard. Be creative.

What about past relationships?

Do not let past relationships color your present ones. If your new love interest is having trouble doing the same, it may be time to step back and take a look at whether you are both ready to date. People who have experienced past infidelities or abusive spouses may be less ready to trust. This does not mean that either of you has done anything wrong. There are a few ways to get past this. The person struggling with the abuse or infidelity can see a therapist, counselor, or clergyperson who is skilled in psychological trauma. You may choose to continue your relationship or put it on hold. Whatever you do, you need to make this decision together. If you are the one who wants to take a step back, be honest. Let the other person know why.

Another problem with past relationships is putting them on a pedestal. You may have had the best spouse ever, but if you want to date again, you need to let that love be separate. You will not find another like Bill, Brenda, Scott, Sally, or Geneva. This does not mean that you will not have loving, fulfilling relationships. On the contrary, you can have a fantastic relationship with a new person. You just have to decide that this relationship is different. Many senior widows and widowers find love with one another because the new love knows that past love is important.

You do not want to have a relationship with you, your ex, and your current partner together. No one enjoys love triangles, especially when one is a ghost in the relationship. At the same time, do not expect to forget everything you ever did with your spouse. You will find a balance, but remember to be honest with your new partner. He or she should also be honest with you. If they cannot handle something, they should let you know.

What about seriousness?

This is, again, up to you. You need to decide what type of relationship you are seeking. Are you looking for love or romance? Do these have separate meanings to you? Romance may not be something that anyone can answer for someone looking to date. However, you need to be upfront with your dates and let them know what you seek.

Not every woman or man wants to get married or remarry after a divorce or death of a spouse. There is no shame in knowing what you want. Here are some things to think about if you do get serious:

• You need to consider what kind of relationship you want most. Are you seeking to live together, get married, or do you want to live in your own homes as exclusive partners? You have no obligations to anyone but your partner when you make those decisions.
• You need to consider where you will live if you want to move in together. Sometimes children and family members take exception to a widow or widower moving someone new into the house that they built with their deceased spouse. However, this is your decision and your choice.
• Also, you should consider how it impacts other people. Are you going to let your partner’s children or grandchildren call you Pop, Dad, Grandpa, Grandma, Mom, or something else? If there are extended family members involved, you may need to choose what holiday celebrations will consist of and who will be present. This may seem weird in the beginning, but it will make for much better situations later.

You may want a serious relationship. You have to decide how much you want to be involved with your partner. Have this discussion with them early on in the relationship.

Do not be afraid to have a relationship that makes you happy.

What about sex?

Sex should always be consensual. You are an adult. Make the decisions that fit your moral, ethical, and sexual values. If you want to have mind-blowing sex and nothing else, be sure to protect yourself. Seniors get STDs too. However, if your values say that you will not have sex with anyone you are not married to, make sure that you let your new partner know. He or she needs to understand where you stand from the beginning. It is your choice. You need to make the decision that works for you and your relationship. Sex does not have to be part of romance. You can have a healthy relationship without sex, but remember, sex can be a part of a healthy relationship too. If you decide to be sexually active, here are a few tips:

• Get tested: You would be surprised how many STDs you could have that you are not even aware of having. This is uncommon, but it could happen.
• Insist your partner be tested: He or she may also unknowingly carry STDs. These two are most important for anyone who has had multiple partners or was in a previous relationship with a partner who has had multiple lovers.
• Talk to your doctor: It is okay. Doctors are prepared to handle this. They can advise you on protection, health risks, and any challenges that you may face. Let’s face it, as we age, some things are not as easy on our bodies. Sex itself is fine, but some things may take longer or are harder to do.
• Talk to your new partner: Let them know what you want and what you will allow. Some older couples want to explore every position and sex toy known to man while others do not. Be sure that your partner knows where each of you stands.
• Do not agree to anything that makes you uncomfortable: Consent is the word of the day! If you do not want it, stop and tell your partner.
• Have a good time: Sex should be enjoyable and fun!

What if I want to move in with someone or get married?

This is one of the most complex questions. You have to decide what is best for you and your partner. Many partners will move into a place for them rather than live in homes they built with someone else. Sometimes they sell their homes, and at other times, they give them to children or grandchildren to live in rent-free (or for a small monthly payment).

Only you will know what kind of financial situation you have. If you want to live in one person’s house, the decision will rest on which house and what the “rights” to the house will be. Some people will remove many of the photos and reminders of their deceased spouse, but they will not want things drastically changed. This is often especially true if one spouse worked extraordinarily hard on creating the space that they shared. Both parties must agree to this and understand the reasons.

Another consideration will be the children and other family members. They often do not mind when parents/grandparents date again, but they have no idea that marriage is even an option. This can be devastating. You must make sure that everyone is on board or at least understands. Usually, the push back from others has nothing to do with the partner chosen but everything to do with the fact that it is not their other parent or sibling, etc. You must make it clear that your new spouse is not taking the place of your former one. You are simply building a new life with a new person.

Related questions

Is 60 too old to find love?

You are never too old or too young for love. We need love to survive. For some of us, we can live on the love we shared with a spouse long after they are gone. For others, we enjoy the feelings and emotions that come with having a love present. Whatever you choose should make you happy. There is no need to avoid dating because you are afraid some arbitrary age is too old. The only age that is too old is after you are gone. You do not want to miss out on happiness for a random number of trips around the sun you have taken.

What does a 60-year-old man want in a relationship?

Who knows? Many 60-year-old men want the same thing in relationships that everyone else wants—love, companionship, happiness. For individual men, you will need to ask them. Often, after a certain age, men will take one of two routes. Either they will look for younger companions to have exciting relationships, or they will seek companions their age for seriousness, love, support, and mature relationships. This is not always the case, but it is often true.

What does a 60-year-old woman want in a relationship?

Like 60-year-old men, 60-year-old women are often after the same thing 20-year-old-women want—mature relationships with others who are honest, caring, and supportive. The majority of women seem to seek this, but that is not to say that women don’t look for a fling here and there. Sex is a natural part of life, and some women like the excitement just as much as men. Gender is irrelevant. Most people are seeking similar styles of relationships.

What are the chances of finding love after 60?

You need to give yourself a chance. You have a great chance if you allow yourself, but you will have nearly no chance if you do not try. Go out and find a companion. Do not rush sex, love, or compatibility. You just need to start looking. Think about what you want and go for that.