How to Deal with Stubborn Aging Parents?

It is a significant life-changing arrangement to care for an aging parent in your home.

You will need to plan and prepare your family for the change, while also considering your financial future. Do not fret though, as there are economic and social resources available to someone who decides to take on this task. Do not consider this event in your life negatively as there are many positive factors to consider.

It can enable your family to bond and become even stronger. It can allow you to have peace of mind about the future of your parent. There is no doubt that every family will experience their unique challenges, but when appropriately approached can be something to celebrate and embrace.

Planning and preparing

Assuming the role of a caregiver for a parent is a major life decision for both the child and the parent. With the changing dynamic comes essential questions one must ask themselves. You must be prepared to take on multiple roles and consider numerous factors for your household. You will have to implement crucial logistics in your daily life and home. It is necessary to understand your limits and availability when providing adequate care for those you love.

These are some questions that need to be considered early on in the process to prepare you:

• Am I prepared financially for the extra cost of providing sufficient care?
• Can I handle this by myself or do I need to seek help?
• Can I provide social support for myself and parent?
• Am I physically and mentally prepared for this change in my life?
• If there is a cognitive decline in my parent, am I prepared for unexpected behavior?
• Is this going to affect my work and ability to bring in an income?
• Will I be available to meet their needs?
• Will, I will still be able to take care of myself and my family?

After you have taken a mental catalog of your situation, start planning. You will be actively involved in providing care for your elderly parent. The organization of valuable information can save you time and stress. Consider keeping a notebook of all the information you might need at a moment’s notice. Having the information in one place will allow for quick responses to your elderly parent’s needs.

Some vital information to keep track of might be:

• Important phone numbers
• Social Security number
• List of medications and the effects
• Doctors phone numbers and contact hours
• Financial information like pensions and assets

This is only one aspect of planning and caring for an elderly parent. Considering the logistics needed to execute care can help alleviate the stress of this significant life event.

Some logistical considerations are:

• Do you have enough room in your home to accommodate your parent effectively?
• Do I need to install wheelchair ramps throughout the home?
• Are the bathrooms safe for the parent?
• Are walkways cleared to avoid injuries?
• What level of help is my parent capable of giving?

Finances

The time and energy that goes into taking care of an elderly loved parent is an enormous financial responsibility. Without aid or help, the burden can be too much for one’s bank account. You may have to cut back on personal expenses or even take time off from a paying job. There are, however, ways to be compensated for caregiving so that your finances can still work for you and your family.

Medicaid is the most common way to receive compensation for your loved ones’ care. Medicaid is a federal government program that provides coverage to people who have low income. Each state has its own Medicaid program. In the References section below the page is a link to a quick summary of how Medicaid could help you according to Medicaid.gov (“Self-Directed”).

Self-Directed Medicaid also was known as cash and counseling is available in some states. It provides direct payments to the caregiver. Some states even offer a similar program for low-income seniors. If your elderly parent has long-term care insurance, some in-home coverage benefits may be able to pay you directly.

Check out the State Listing URL in the References section to see if your loved one is eligible. The rules and requirements for Medicaid to assist are extensive (“State”).

Moving and space

Moving is a burden for most people, but for the elderly, it can be an emotional challenge. Decades of memories and possessions will have to be handled respectfully. Even more challenging; is that all of this stuff may not even be organized for a big move.

Take some time to work and communicate with your loved one about where the items will be stored and unfortunately whether or not some may have to be thrown out or sold. Communication is critical during this process. You may have to help organize their belonging for sale or move. Decluttering early can take a lot of stress out of the process for both parties. If you have the resources, consider hiring someone to help, but be sure to be present as respect for their items is monumental.

Communication is essential as they adjust to their new living environment. It will be essential to talk about expectations from both parties. They will need time to respond to the transition, and patience and communication will allow this change to happen much smoother.

Even after all items have been accounted for and moved, your home will still require some physical rearranging. Not only will your elderly parent be displaced and possibly inconvenienced with the new set-up, but other members of your family may have to sacrifice time, space, and even privacy.

Once again, communication with everyone involved is the key to allow everyone to deal with the new transition and adventure. If it is within your budget, consider creating an in-law suite or set aside some space on a porch or garage to maintain some privacy for everyone.

Safety

As you situate the house and rearrange, it is crucial to consider all safety hazards for your loved one. If the person has compromised vision, severe hearing loss, or is in cognitive decline, you will have to find a way to eliminate hazards for them. If you’re unsure about this step of the process, consider contacting an aging-in-place specialist. Be aware that the changes you make at first may not be enough, and may have to be altered with time.

Consider the following adjustments to secure your loved one’s safety according to the AARP (“Caregiving”):

• Declutter areas to decrease the chances of falls
• Make sure all the accessible rooms are well lit
• Consider installing grab bars in critical areas
• Use GPS devices in case of their cognitive decline
• Lower the temperature of your water heater
• Install remote door locks in more extreme cases

Though this is not an exhaustive list, it is an excellent place to start. Every situation is likely to have its unique barriers; be sure to consider the safety of your loved one at all times. An elderly person’s lifestyle when healthy can aid you in implementing a safe home.

Lifestyle

It is not enough to make sure your loved one is safe. We all live our lives, and your elderly parent is no different. Isolation and loneliness can decrease anyone’s health at any age. There are some things that can be done to encourage and help make sure the quality of life is a good one.

Here are some examples of how to increase the quality of life for a loved one:

• Enroll them in community arts programs for seniors
• Go out to eat at their favorite restaurant
• Watch a movie with them
• Set up a Facetime call with someone they rarely speak to
• Play games and work on puzzles with them
• If they are capable, allow them to cook their favorite meal for the family

Though our social lives are meaningful, the mind and the body are interconnected. Staying on top of your loved one’s nutrition can save you medical costs down the road. A well thought out diet can give them sustained energy throughout the day, more motivation to participate in activities, and keep the momentum going for exercise and the right daily decisions. Pre-cooked and packaged meals for the week can save both time and money; all while ensuring proper nutrition for your elderly parent.

Also, do not neglect hydration needs, as dehydration can cause temporary cognitive decline or even worse fainting.

Exercise is crucial for one’s health at any stage in life; perhaps even more so for an elderly parent. Encourage them to stay mobile if possible. This will aid in balance, energy, and continued brain health. Some low impact activities for them to participate in include, frisbee, swimming, walks, yoga, and even lifting small weights.

Visit a nearby senior center for information on events and classes if your loved one wants independent daytime activities.

Sometimes you may catch yourself wearing many hats during care of your loved one. Depending on the day you may find yourself acting like a nurse, nutritionist, psychologist, personal trainer, social director, and personal assistant. As you care for them and their lifestyle, be sure to consider your own.

Self-care

There is no point in caring for our loved ones if we cannot care for ourselves. Neglecting your own needs will only lead to long-term adverse effects on you and your family. It is essential to make sure as you take on this role that you continue to do what is right for you and your family. Your nutrition and exercise are equally crucial to serving yourself and others.

Eat properly, take time to decompress, go on walks, stretch, and follow your passions. Your life does not have to go on pause when taking care of your loved one. Caring for yourself is the best thing you can do for your family.

As you take on this role, don’t forget to safeguard your privacy as well. Establish boundaries with your family members and elderly parent. Be sure to compartmentalize the space in your home so that you can still enjoy some intimacy and passion with your partner. Communicate your needs with your family members; it will significantly reduce your stress and increase your happiness, which only benefits everyone.

Don’t forget to keep in touch with your friend during this process. Even a phone call once a week can give you energy and revitalize your spirits. No matter how strong you think you are, support from a trusted and loved friend can provide stability when times are tough. You too deserve to be cared for and listened to.

Most importantly, do not let this transition be the end to your fun. Laugh, play, and do what makes you happy. Just as you are safeguarding your parents’ lifestyle and happiness do the same for yours. Go to a comedy show, eat that delicious food, and visit those places you’ve always wanted to. If you’ve tried all of the above actions and still find yourself struggling then do not be afraid to solicit outside help.

If your parent requires intensive care, reach out to adult daycare centers that provide meals, counseling, and therapeutic activities. Check out the useful link on local services to help take care of your parent (“Eldercare”).

Final word

It can be challenging to correctly care for your loved ones. With all the unique medical factors to consider, you will never find a catch-all solution to this new change in your life. With proper planning and communication, you and your family can provide the care for your elderly parent. You can create a quality life that will not only create incredible memories but bond the family even stronger.